Borderline Personality or intuitive empath?

Hiya world! How is life today? 

So I have mentioned before, that I have BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder (OR am I just from leveling up and am an intuitive empath who feels a little too much), how it makes my life harder on a daily basis. I have decided to write you guys about it and what has helped me to live with it. I have noticed that many people around me could use some of the techniques used in the therapy I went trough (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), that has helped me. In my opinion BPD is one of the most difficult mental disorders that there is and not a lot of people know about it. I'm about to shed some light on this topic. Hopefully this will help someone! 

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental condition with the main problem on the inability to manage emotions effectively. All feelings go from 0 to 1000 in a nanosecond  and are many many times stronger as it would be for a "normal" person. While some persons with BPD can be  high functioning in certain situations, their private lives may be in complete chaos. Most people who have BPD suffer from problems regulating their emotions, thoughts and unstable relationships. There is frequent dangerous behavior and self-harm.. Other disorders, such as depression, anxiety disorders, eating disorders, substance abuse and other personality disorders often exist alongside BPD. Sounds nice doesn't it?? Everything in the world hurts more than it seems to for everyone else and any 'thick skin' I am supposed to have just isn't there.

Some of the difficulties:

• You feel very worried about people abandoning you, and would do anything to stop that happening ( even abandon THEM).

• You have very intense emotions that last from a few hours to a few days and can change quickly (from feeling very happy and confident to suddenly feeling really low and sad).

• You don't have a strong sense of who you are, and it can change significantly depending on who you're with.

• You find it very hard to make and keep stable relationships.

• You feel empty a lot of the time.

• You act impulsively and do things that could harm you (such as binge eating, using drugs or driving dangerously).

• You often self-harm or have suicidal feelings.

• You have very intense feelings of anger, which are really difficult to control and can lead to violence.

• When very stressed, you may also experience paranoia or dissociation.

Labeling is one thing, diagnosing is hard because all of us have these life situations where you have problems with your emotions.. I myself look at myself borderline but even more as an intuitive empath. I feel all the time everybodys energies and emotions and am often unable to block them. The only way for me to clean my energy is to take some space for myself and walk away, be alone by myself, meditate. I meditate daily, many times a day. And it needs a LOT of practice. A LOT!!! A LOT!!!!!!!!!! 

I have to constantly be mindful of what I feel and why I feel whatever emotion. 

Meditation is the only thing that really really helped me. When my feelings go too strong, I need to get my mind off from it and meditation is second step. First I will go and walk it out, take a cold shower, count to ten etc... after I have calmed myself a little, only then I meditate to calm the rest of my way too strong and intense  feelings.  

Mixing is like meditation for me...My psytrance minimix on Mixcloud

It is very important to name the feelings so you actually know what you feel. I feel anger a lot of times but behind that anger often is my primary feeling that caused me react with anger, like fear, disappointment, frustration...  

I had to live with BPD for more than 15 years before I found help. That's a long time to fight yourself. I was diagnosed with depression, bi-polar, anxiety and panic attacks, but all of those were because of my borderline personality. I went to therapy many times but never went through with it until I started it again in August 2013. In 2015 I got my place in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and my healing finally started. DBT was originally developed to treat borderline personality disorder. However, research shows that DBT has also been used successfully to treat people experiencing depression, bulimia, binge-eating, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic-stress disorder, and substance abuse. DBT skills give you ability to regulate emotions, tolerate distress and negative emotion, be mindful and present in the given moment, and communicate and interact effectively with others.

I had to get to know the real me again before I could heal. And BPD never heals, you will just learn to control it. 

Here's some DBT techniques:

-Meditating and Mindfullnes. The concept of mindfulness refers to the ability to give one’s undivided attention to what is happening in the moment in a nonjudgmental manner and experiencing the moment as it occurs. It is a skill that requires far more practice than one may believe, but it allows an individual to objectively review and interpret the events around them. For getting over distressing problems, it is often important to suspend expectations and biases in order to understand others.

-Radical acceptance and tolerating stress. DBT endeavors to assist to accept inevitabilities in a nonjudgmental and non-evaluative way. This allows to accept more positive approaches and take more positive actions to address issues we can control. For example, one cannot control past events, such as the loss of a loved one, but one can learn to manage the stress associated with this loss.

-Controlling your emotions. This often involves a structured approach that includes being able to identify emotions, reducing one’s vulnerability to reactive behaviors that may occur as a result of emotional states, increasing mindfulness, identifying obstacles to changing emotions, learning to take opposite actions, and/or applying stress management for stress/distress tolerance.

Just remember.. You are not alone. This is very common also among people who are awaking to the new reality upon us. Find a way to keep your calm and find inner peace. We all have this special space inside us where we can heal ourselves. There is a lot of info about everything everywhere, search in YouTube or Google... You will find the truth if you seek. I'm gonna open up more about finding that special space as well as I will talk about what else was reveled to me on this journey.. 

This is written in Kata Noi Phuket, Thailand.

Meanwhile read this blog post from Oktober 18th about Being Positive .

Until next time..

Remember...

I LOVE YOU.

PEACE.

Namaste.

me raging about my wounds

BPD back on Phayam

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