I need a restart

Hiya world!!

Time to write down a few notes to self again. Weather has been nice to us on Phayam island. Raining only a little bit and we get sunshine too. I gotta warn you though, I have some raging to let out today. Cleanse the negativity.

Thing is I am really tired of people. Like ALL people. You know the feeling „ I don’t wanna people today” ? You know I am all about LOVE. With that comes also LOYALTY and HONESTY. I am tired of people always complaining about stuff and not doing anything about it to fix it. Happiness is a choice. Happiness comes from YOU. If you choose to complain, you choose to be unhappy. Feeling that you are lacking something, causes suffering. To end suffering you need to stop fighting against what was. Past is gone and overthinking about the past is pure nonsense. The same goes about the future. Learn to let go. Only thing you control is how you respond to the life around you. It’s OK to do mistakes, it’s how we learn. And please, learn to express yourself. If you did something wrong, own it! Don’t blame the surroundings or other people of your own misery. Your misery is YOUR choice. We all have that one special peaceful and blissful place inside us, where we always find happiness.

Lately I feel tired, because I am out of good energy. I try to help many people but when they don’t take any advice and continue complaining, then what can I do? I can walk away. But is it the right thing to do? I know a lot of times I just need to suck it up and continue pushing people in the right direction but when all I get is ungratefullness back, I feel defeated. Why should I waste my good energy on people who don’t appriciate it? Why people cannot be grateful of the little things? Why people only think of themselves? We are all one. We are all in this together and only by LOVE you can win. ’

Other thing that annoyes me is that people have their expetations and they think it’s THE ONLY right way to go. Thing is, we are all unique and there is no ONE right way. Judgin other people by their looks, lifestyle or actions means really that you are judging yourself. Nobody is better than other, our life is the sum of our choices and no life is 100% same. Don’t think you are better than anyone, we all have our demons and judging is just living in your ego. Let go of that shit. Do kind things and expect NOTHING in return. That’s what I do everyday. But at the moment I feel sad, because I feel unappreciated. This too shall pass. I accept my negative feelings, it’s ok to feel them and after that you can let them go. I am doing that right now. Writing about this is getting the negativity out from my system, so I can vibrate positive vibes again. For me this is crucial, so I wont emphasize my negative feelings too much. If I get low, I am the fucking Devil himself. I get aggressive, annoyed and cannot communicate in normal way even and only am able to yell. Also when I am mad, I become evil as fuck. Because I am an empath, I know exactly your pain points and when I get mad, i use them to hurt you. Afterwards I feel bad and disappointed in myself but what can I do when I am extreme in all fields in life.

The best way for me to find my zen and bring back the smile, is to take some time off. I need my alone time a lot. Lately I just haven’t been able to take the time off too much. Always someone needing something. Oh well, it is what it is. At least I am feeling a little bit better now.

Thanks for reading.

I love you.

PEACE!

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